A pregnant mum faces giving birth to a third baby addicted to heroin but is still using the drug herself. Vanessa has had her first two kids taken away from her and knows the third is likely to go the same way. In new Channel 5 series Banged Up: Bad Girls Behind Bars Vanessa, an inmate at the Western Massachusetts Regional Women's Correctional Centre, says: "My one fear is having the baby here in jail."My daughter will be detoxing from the Subutex the brand name for methadone which she's taking to help the medication I'm on."I wouldn't be there to stay and comfort her. I would be there for the first two to three days, and then they'd bring me straight back here."
In the TV show Vanessa, in her orange prison overalls, is seen having an ultrasound scan.She tells the midwife that her eldest daughter has been adopted and the other is in foster care. Speaking to the camera later she says: "Me losing my kids was one of my darkest moments.
"It's not just you physically being there, it's your mind being there as well."Like doing an open adoption. That killed me the most. I did what I thought was okay. The people that she's with they love her and will do anything for her."I'm grateful for that. I couldn't ask for anything more. My youngest is in foster care."I didn't want these things for my kids. I want my kids. But obviously, that's what addiction does to you."
A prison staff member explains what happens when a baby is born addicted." They are very needy and they're not feeling good," they say."It's flu-like symptoms and they have a lot of vomiting and diarrhoea. So they constantly need more clothing."It's not a pleasant sight to see.
She says: "I tell them until you walk a day in my shoes until you actually have experienced it please don't say anything.""The pain of losing a child is one of the worst things you can go through. It's literally a piece of you that gets ripped," she says."I just don't want to live my life like this."